Mr. Samsung, meet Mr. Maytag

“What the heck is that buzzing sound in there,” I thought to myself as I started pulling clothes from the washing machine. “And what's that under my work pants? That black thing...that's  bleeping.  It can’t be a cell phone. Cell phones don’t belong in washing machines.“

For a second, reality does not compute. Cell phones, as any idiot knows, don’t belong under water so it can’t be a cell phone. My mind refuses the data.  But it IS a cell phone. MY cell phone.

I kept staring, hoping that if I looked long enough, the vagrant phone would disappear. Or at least stop that low moaning bleeeeping.  Neither happened.

There are many ways to feel stupid. Emergency Room stupid, Relationship stupid, Road Rage stupid. And now Cell Phone stupid.

More embarrassingly stupid than your cell phone ringing while you're in the theater, or ringing in the crucial first three minutes of a blind date. Worse than misplacing your cell phone or leaving it under your napkin in the restaurant. You may sheepishly recover from such faux pas.

It is not possible to say to your cell phone, “Gee, sorry, I didn’t mean to leave you in the pocket of my work pants when I threw them into the Maytag,  I'll make it up to you.”

You just stand over the white porcelain tub staring at the poor bleating piece of technology that has become more important to you than your opposable thumb. How the hell could you have been so careless?

In addition to the indignity of having to spend a pile of dough to replace something you already own, are you going to admit why you need to purchase a new cell phone? You know that in time this is going to be an amusing story you can serve up, with the help of two glasses of Shiraz, at some chatty cocktail party believing it will trump all comers.

But at this very moment, staring at the bubbly glass eye of your phone, you feel as dumb as you've felt in a long time.

Comments

[Nona]

Ah, the rich life of the writer, where everything, and I do mean everything, is material.

[Patsy]

Hey Paul,
It happens. I often leave plastic bags in my pants pockets (Scruggs walking bags - empty, of course!) and find that my clothes haven't dried in the drier because the plastic bags still have water in them from the washer. But, of course, plastic bags don't cost the same as cell phones.

[Carolyn]

Very nicely observed.

[Suzanne]

Now that's funny. Sorry about your phone. I hope you had a Sim card with all your numbers on it, that was salvageable.

[Gerard]

I hate when that happens....For future reference the same thing will happen, like suppose you jump in the ocean from a boat let's say, ( I bet you are wondering how I know this). Sorry about Mr. Samsung ..