Upon reading reviews of award-winning wines from a well-known Massachusetts vineyard
“Pale golden yellow color. Bright aromas of lemongrass, Kaffir lime leaf, lychee nut, and apricot yogurt with a silky dry-yet-fruity medium body and some pleasant maturing mineral and smoky notes backing the pure tart citrus fruit finish. Very Alsatian-like and a great choice for the table.”
Did the judges uncork a bottle of Pinot Gris or pour themselves a smoothie? I must be the taste equivalent of tone deaf. When I take my first sip of a glass of wine, I think, “Hmmm, it tastes pretty good,” or, “Geez, I don’t think this was a good choice.”
“Deep old gold color. Toasty brioche, baked fruit, and caramel aromas with a crisp, frothy medium body and a long grilled citrus, praline, and apple driven finish. Rich and satisfying; serve with grilled seafood.”
I’ve never tasted a wine that reminded me of toasty brioche, or toasty anything for that matter. I taste something vaguely grape-y, maybe dry, or sweet, or heavy, but "a long grilled citrus, apple driven finish?" Do they serve peyote mushrooms during these tasting events?
When I first started reading descriptions of wine, I actually thought the vintners dropped a few peaches or lemons or apricots into the vat while pressing the grapes. No, I was told, these were virtual flavors imagined by the judges and reviewers. Imagine what your wine would really taste like if Mr. Beringer threw his half eaten breakfast brioche into his fermenting Blanc de Blanc.
This is why I’m all in favor of the idea of selling wine in bottles with twist off caps or in plastic coated cartons, the kind you get your Hood homogenized 2% milk in. Even if it's a pretty good year for the wine, I dare one of those judges to start carrying on about “spicy caramelized apple and pineapple and coconut flan aromas” when they pour their wine from one of those babies.
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That's a chuckle!
Posted by: Barbara Widett | February 29, 2012 at 02:43 PM
I've always wondered about those wine reviews. This set of judge's comments sent me right to my keyboard, which now has "aromas of caramelized apples and peach pie with a supple, fruity medium body and a rich honeyed nectarine and lime and pie crust finish."
Posted by: Paul Tamburello a k a pt at large | February 29, 2012 at 02:50 PM
Oh man, I love this. And I agree with you!!!!!!!
Posted by: Carolyn Liesy | February 29, 2012 at 07:12 PM
Very clever! Think I will forward this to my brother who is quite knowledgeable about wine. In fact, for 20 years he was one of the wine judges at the annual Los Angeles County Fair. He will find this piece most amusing.
Posted by: May Louise White | March 01, 2012 at 11:11 AM
Actually, I'd enjoy hearing his take about the story and the how the judges characterize how wine tastes. If it's ok with him, I will post his thoughts about it. Thanks for commenting!
Posted by: Paul A. Tamburello, Jr. aka pt at large | March 01, 2012 at 11:20 AM
Wow...those guys must have just graduated from Sommelier/Marketing class and are practicing making up new descriptions. Personally, I don't want my wine to have a bouquet or taste of Brioche! I would rather eat my bread with my wine!
Just returned from a world conference of Country Club Managers in NOLA. The cuisine and wines were exceptional....visited South Yacht Club, New Orleans CC and Metairie CC, as well as several great restaurants...Frenchman Street and the French Quarter...Cafe du Monde for beignets and cafe au lait...of course.
Glad to see you are doing some imbibing as well...
Posted by: Janet Wilson | March 01, 2012 at 11:21 AM
Hi Paul,
Just got an Email from my brother and all he said re your article was, to quote his words precisely, "Ah, the bliss and charm of unawareness and ignorance of any art form." Like you, he does have a way with words. And, believe me, he does indeed consider the knowledge, study and appreciation of fine wines as an exquisite form of art.
Posted by: May Louise White | March 02, 2012 at 10:21 AM
Hi May Louise,
Yes, your brother indeed has a way with words:) I don't know whether he refers to the wine tasters words or mine but would wager that it refers to mine! I'll add them to the comments about the story and let readers draw their own conclusions.
Thanks for sending this. I adds to the whole conversation.
Posted by: Paul A. Tamburello, Jr. aka pt at large | March 02, 2012 at 10:25 AM
One of my favorite songs: "red, red wine" . My interpretation of wine....well after the 2nd glass goes something like this:
Red, red wine you make me feel so fine
You keep me rocking all of the time
Red red wine you make me feel so grand
I feel like a million dollars when you're just in my hand
So I'll have whatever wine UB40 sings about, thank you :)
Posted by: Carole Blossom | March 10, 2012 at 05:55 PM